Simon Paul

Project resume has been painful

Maybe this is how it feels for the vast majority of Liverpool fans most of the time, but this isn’t how I want to watch football.

I’m sat in the back room with a beer but I’m only half interested in the match, and half interested in whether or not the battery on the laptop will last long enough for me to write this. It probably won’t.

When I’ve heard the fake crowd get excited I’ve looked up, only to see that someone has decided that an organic crowd would cheer a wayward crossfield pass that ends up in the recieving player passing it back towards his own goal.

And that’s how it’s felt ever since football came out of lockdown and avoided giving Sky and BT Sport loads of millions of quids back in their desperation to give Liverpool an opportunity to build a scaffold in the Kop.

It’s just been a bit shit.

“Football is more than just a TV show” and “football without fans is nothing” are two phrases that I was always a firm believer in, but never more so than now they have both been proven to be true.

It’s been painful, and not just because Everton have been garbage for most of it.

I miss the pre-match routine. I miss the lads at the match. I miss wondering how long it will be before the un-necessarily buff grandad in front of me kicks off at the away fans. I miss promising the stewards I’ll behave myself this week, pretending to be offended by their assertion that I’m a bit of a dickhead most weeks. I missed that fat-head with his Bucharest scarf – but not as closely as I missed him with a half-bottle of full fat Coke a few years back.

I just miss football. Not this version of it. The game buffered to a half minutes ago and I’ve not even looked up until now. I’m sure Amazon make their TV sticks go slower when Everton are on, in some strange bid to emulate Gylfi Sigurddson’s running.

66% battery left, I feel bad on the laptop now.

Talk of bring “some” fans back into grounds in October fills me with dread too. Imagine “winning” the lottery to be one of the 30% of season ticket holders to get into Goodison Park, but not sitting in your season ticket seat and not being with your mates.

Tom Davies would be able to easily identify who it was that was shouting stuff about skateboards for a start.

The game has come back on now, although it reminds me of one of those nutjob streams we used to watch pre-season away games on.

And there’s also the possibility that you’d have to sit in the Top Balcony as well. I’ve had a moderate case of Coronavirus, and I’m not sure what’s worse.

This season should never have been played out once the country went into lockdown. Either points per game, or leave it where it finished, but both of those options would have cost the Premier League far too much in returned TV money because, get this, Sky *aren’t* the saviours of football after all, they’re just profiteering biffs who don’t care as long as they get their dollar.

Watching football in empty stadiums has been painful though. The players are missing us – well, some of them are – and god knows we miss them. But it’s the whole “day” that I miss and I want it back. I want it back in safety though, and I’m prepared to wait if we need to.

Because football without fans is nothing.

58% battery left. I need to give this laptop way more credit in future. And maybe Everton too – who have beaten high flying Sheffield United 1-0 at Brammall Lane in front of 37 people.

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Simon Paul

Managing Editor at
Si has been going to Goodison Park for almost 40 years and has had a season ticket in all of the stands, currently taunting away fans from the Lower Bullens.

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