At the risk of sounding trite (genuinely not btw), that sounds like your depression talking @eyesalwaysblue
and I'm glad you felt better after getting it off your chest.
You've shared some scary shit there bro.
One of the things I noticed living with my ex, who suffered terribly, was that depression can make people very self-focused. I would not be surprised if many people with depression struggle to empathise with others and place their own suffering and battle above everything else. It makes perfect sense - we are animals after all and perhaps our strongest instinct is self-preservation. The self before all else.
So as contentious as some of the views one of our fellow posters has put actually are - I would caution against too much knee-jerk mob-mentality and just ask everyone to look at some of the other things he has shared about his own experience. I'd like this forum to continue to be a place we can share some of the ugly and personal stuff with each other. I'm not saying don't call each other out - I'm just saying try not to make it personal.
If this has come across as condescending, big brother, know-all shite - I know it does a bit. I have tried to express myself as best I can and this is the best I could come up with.
Love to all.